SHOOT THE PIANIST
Thanks so much.
I ran into the lamp post.
I must go. My wife's waiting.
Been married long?
11 years.
I'd like to be married.
You think so?
Yes, I really do.
Has its advantages.
At the beginning...
I sometimes wondered...
how I could get rid of her.
Then I wondered why I thought that.
A matter of liberty?
Yes... I first met her at a dance.
She wasn't easy to get to know.
Hadn't been out much.
You know how it is in Paris.
There are more virgins...
than in any other town...
proportionally, anyhow.
But that wasn't why I married her.
Why then?
We just had good times together.
I don't know who you are.
I may never see you again...
so I can speak freely.
It's good to speak...
to a stranger sometimes.
Yes, quite.
I began to like her.
We've been going out together for...
a year.
So I bought a ring.
That's how it is.
Not always.
It was later I fell in love with her.
She was in hospital having her first baby.
I looked at her...
and at the baby.
And that's when it really began.
How many kids?
Three.
A good number.
Yes, they are fine.
I turn off here. So long.
Look after yourself.
I will... thanks.
Good luck!
Hello, Ted.
Call me Charlie. Hang on.
You're an odd fellow.
I haven't seen you for four years.
And that's all you say.
See? I hit myself.
I ran into a lamp post.
Being chased?
Not by the cops, anyhow.
That's why you came?
Nothing doing.
How's Fido? All right?
Is business good?
I manage...
but don't count on me.
I don't want to get involved.
The family?
Everyone's all right.
Richard?
Oh, Richard manages.
But we miss you and Fido.
So I thought...
While you ran, eh?
I'm in the soup, Charlie.
You must help me.
Why think of me? Who was after you?
Two fellows.
I pulled a job with them...
and Richard.
They tried to do us out of our share.
So we dropped them...
Richard and I.
Good show!
Who are they?
One wears a cap and one a hat.
They look like brothers...
and they both smoke pipes.
Hello, Charlie. How goes it?
What are you doing here?
You're wasting your time.
That'll do.
No, it won't do.
Take a look at yourself.
You should be playing a grand piano...
in a cram-full concert hall.
So what are you doing here?
I can't do both.
You make me laugh.
An international virtuoso who can't afford a car.
That's crazy!
That's enough.
Look at him.
He's a concert pianist.
For heaven's sake give him...
a grand piano...
With candles on it.
Where are the candles?
Pipe down!
I want to be heard.
People are dancing.
That's the whole trouble.
Let him be. He's ill.
You know him?
Careful how...
you address me.
Be polite.
I asked who he is?
He is ashamed of me.
He is my little brother.
But he's an artist.
And his name's not Charlie. It's Ted.
Shut up!
He has a brother?
There are four of us in the family.
What's he paid for?
For playing.
Yes, and not...
to tell his life story.
If you want information, pay for it.
The more you want, the more you pay.
Same as when you dig a well: The deeper, the dearer.
Sometimes it's so dear...
you drop it.
You're desirable.
That's why I desire you.
I've decided to get married.
So I'm asking you.
I may not be free.
The abominable snow man! He's yours?
Well, he was.
Anyhow, I don't know who you are.
Charlie's brother.
No, really!
I like Charlie.
How d'you like me?
I don't know yet.
Excuse me... customers.
My breast interests you?
Yes, I'm a doctor.
No good tonight.
Last night...
it was first class.
Look at my finger.
Interesting or curious?
So long, Charlie.
There they are!
- So what? - I'm done for.
Go that way!
They went that way.
They looked as if they wanted to talk about business.
What kind of business?
Always the same with that idiot of Chico.
Get off while the going's good.
Good luck!
She's after you.
Who?
Lena. Thought I'd tell you...
Thanks.
Pity you're not keen.
I wish it were me.
I can always go.
Don't worry. I'm not her type.
In fact I'm not...
anyone's type.
Till tomorrow.
Come now...
I'm just a mess...
and I can't make women forget it.
It's your glands.
Not glands... it's my ugly mug.
No need to be afraid of women.
You don't believe a word of what you're saying.
You've had a rough time. It shows.
So what?
I bet I know what worries you.
You're timid.
You're afraid.
That's it.
Afraid...
I'm afraid.
Hell, I'm afraid!
What's up, old man?
I'm afraid.
Those two guys...
Who were they?
I don't know.
Well, I'm off to bed.
Can't just sit around.
Mr. Charlie!
I wanted to ask you to...
lend me some money.
Sure.
Thanks, will you take me home?
I don't like walking alone at night.
Call me Charlie.
Yes, but call me Lena.
Why Lena?
Helen, Helena, Lena.
My silence must seem odd.
She'll think I'm embarrassed.
No, silence is amorous complicity.
She is not a chatterbox.
She is dignified.
She is not one for joking.
She is a serious girl.
What's the joke?
Your face.
Listen!
You know those men?
No, why?
They're following.
Look there.
- Where've they gone? - Down there.
What bad luck!
I'm off home.
If she didn't like it...
she'd have moved away.
So she agrees then?
Offer a drink first.
Don't mess it up.
I order you to have a drink.
No, nicer.
Aren't you thirsty, Lena?
A drink?
Better that way.
Something else: Is Art Tatum talented?
And Erroll Garner?
Yes, he is talented.
And Junior Mance? You don't know him.
Charlie, it's Clarissa.
Still no pyjamas?
It's healthier.
Reminds me of my skeleton number.
That's how I started.
I was in a coffin almost naked.
They could see my skeleton.
Even doctors were taken in.
The artist's life...
Want me...
No, thanks.
Well, I don't insist.
I'll go.
Don't be mad.
Get undressed...
and shut the door.
Like my dress?
It brings me business.
I don't have to pose.
"How much? 3,000" Yes or no.
Take it or leave it.
I don't make a fuss.
Might give me ideas.
And I don't like sexy skirts.
I wear nice things, eh?
Very pretty.
That's what I said.
The others always ask me where I get my clothes.
They're pretty. And I don't pay much.
What do I care?
Are you mad?
No, I'm puritan.
A puritan!
So that's what you are!
That's a good one!
Angry, pussy?
Are you angry?
Pussy's not angry. He's tired.
They said so on television.
I'm sleepy. That's what I am.
Television is a cinema...
that you can see at home.
Move over.
That's how it is in the cinema.
I saw a film this afternoon.
Any good?
John Wayne saying the Yanks want peace.
Then they are like me.
Making fun of me?
Not at all, darling.
Give me a drag.
No, not like that... you dirty bastard.
Aren't you supposed to be shy?
But the shy can be daring.
Go back to your room... hurry up!
All I do is cook the dinner.
Now then! My trousers!
- What are you looking at? - Nothing...
Do up my zip!
Go to your room! So long.
Fido!
Time to get up.
Hurry! You'll be late.
Till tonight, Charlie.
Do I know you?
I'm Ernest. He's Momo.
Get in!
I'm walking.
He doesn't need it.
- I'll show him. - He knows.
- He may not. - Show him then.
Now will you get in?
All right.
What d'you think?
He's tough.
Yes. We think you're tough.
50,000 OK?
Not enough? How much?
I don't need it.
We have the dough.
Yes... show him.
Why carry it about?
Now, where were we?
He doesn't want any money.
You see, we want to talk to him.
Who?
Now, let's be open.
We want your brother.
So you take us...
to the farm.
- I can't. - Yes you can.
Get behind with him. Here's the girl.
Sort of Madame Charlie.
You know her?
- What's this? - Ask him.
Why should I?
We're going to his brother.
The one with the black eye?
They must have found out about him.
They've got my address too.
Who from?
I'm not sure.
I'll tell you.
We've had a drink with your boss.
He gave us all the dope.
25,000 each. Not bad for...
Charlie's address.
The bastard...
counted the money.
The ugly bastard.
The fat pig!
Look out!
Who's driving?
You are. But look out.
You're right.
We must be careful with our hostages.
You had time to go.
Get a move on.
Leave me alone.
If I were...
Keep calm.
I am calm.
But if there's one thing I can do...
it's drive a car.
I can do what I like with a car.
Except overtake.
Want to annoy me?
Instead of looking at the girls...
watch the road.
You'll hit someone!
If I do...
I'll avenge my dad. He was...
knocked down while...
looking at the girls.
He looked at them and was run over.
Dirty old man!
I'm proud of him.
I always manage to look when...
the wind blows...
and skirts lift.
I shock you?
Not at all.
You're not the first dirty man I've met.
I'll tell you what.
All women want it.
Want what?
I agree... they all want it.
And so they'll have it.
I'm not against women.
Quite so.
I love them...
for what they are.
Trouble is you must talk before...
and afterwards...
when you want to get away.
If I may be allowed...
to quote my father...
When you've seen one, you've seen the lot.
When I see one first...
I love her.
I want to marry her.
But once she's open her mouth...
all I want is to roger her.
Nice manners!
That's how it is.
You must admit...
You do everything to excite us.
Lipstick and nail varnish.
Short skirts and...
high heels. Why wear stockings?
Why not socks like us?
A girl with socks is horrible.
One day when all my shorts were dirty...
I took my sister's.
I understood why they always want it.
We wear trousers.
But their legs are always touching.
What about priests?
How must they feel?
They wear long pants.
Look out! Red lights!
That's torn it!
We'll have it out later.
Open up!
The door? Help me.
What is it, officer?
Stop the engine. Get out!
Papers?
He's an awful driver, officer.
He gets nervous.
Coming, darling?
That's enough.
We'll take the bus.
So long!
Be seeing you.
Yes, come and see us.
Right! So long.
"So long"?
We'll see soon enough.
Yes, let's not worry.
Their guns have silencers?
She took your arm herself. Just like that.
Looks like she's taking you home.
It's this way.
I'll go first.
Don't look at her legs.
Look at the stairs...
or the walls.
They're pretty dirty.
Now Charlie plays in a bar.
Once upon a time it was different,
eh, Edward?
Once upon a time...
Have you any creme caramel?
No, it's off.
I see.
Menu, please.
Pity.
At your service.
Till when?
Please...
Coffee, sir?
Yes. Take this for your trouble.
It's too much.
Too little...
for two years happiness.
We don't accept tips.
Been here often?
Several days.
I've seen him somewhere.
I don't want you to...
work here any more.
It's not your piano lessons that...
Don't make fun of my piano lessons.
You were happy.
Yes, remember?
I may succeed in learning something.
I'm a fool but...
"You're not at all foolish...
but the piano..."
"But I love my lessons every afternoon".
"You like the piano?"
"Yes, Mr. Edward".
True you want me with you always?
It's more than that.
I know. Me too.
More every day.
What can I get you?
My name is...
Schmeel, impresario.
- Edward Saroyan. - I remember.
You came to see me a year ago.
That's right.
I was very busy at the time.
Please excuse me.
I understand.
What a life!
You're having lunch?
This... is my wife.
We play at customer and waitress.
Marvellous! There are two winners.
You're lucky.
Nice of you.
I want to make good.
Will you come to my office tomorrow?
Who taught you?
Old Zeleny.
- Why the face? - Nothing.
You were gay in the car.
And then you suddenly shut up.
I knew you weren't listening.
You pretend to.
But all the time you're thinking of the household.
I was trying to explain what pleased me about the concert.
But you look so bored when I'm talking to you...
I didn't finish.
I'm fed up!
This is no life for an artist.
I may not be a great artist...
but I need...
people to think so. Is it asking too much?
I have to be very patient to live with you.
And your conversation!
Hemingway...
collects your records.
So and so didn't like your last recital.
What's-his-name thinks I'm the greatest pianist.
Should I accept this?
Did so and so see me on television?
And everything ten times over.
I pretend to listen...
What a life!
Don't you think I'm fed up, too?
If only you were conceited,
more self-confident, you'd stop bugging me.
You can't stand criticism.
I'm talking nonsense because I'm jealous.
No, what you say is true.
I know it.
What to do?
I'm not your type.
Don't say that. It hurts me!
What a success!
Your wife must be happy.
But I must say...
your press conference was a flop.
The journalists come to see the genius...
and can't get a word out of him.
Shyness is a curable disease.
I did the job.
Look what this columnist says...
"Edward Saroyan's impresario told us...
I love the beautiful, no matter what sex."
How to Overcome Shyness
Shyness
How to Overcome Stage Fright
Now you won't escape from me anymore...
thanks to this masterpiece.
How is Theresa?
She's tired.
She's always tired!
Tired of travelling?
No, tired of me.
You quarrel?
We did at first.
Now it's much worse.
You can tell me.
She's fed up.
You don't believe me?
I couldn't believe it at first.
She's trying to fight against something.
Now it's obvious.
We're having a talk...
and suddenly she runs away.
If I go after her...
she locks herself in.
That's the situation.
It's the end.
- She says so? - No, it's obvious.
I think she despises me since...
I've been successful.
This is a misunderstanding.
Bring her to the cocktail-party.
I'll talk to her.
I'll try.
Thanks.
I've come to take you to the cocktail-party.
Leave me alone, please.
I'm fed up!
Why shout?
You've never shouted at me.
I didn't want to.
It doesn't matter.
Why shouldn't you shout?
I make you unhappy?
I know, but I can't help it.
You can't stop the night.
It's dark, and getting darker.
You can't stop it or do anything.
There's only one thing for me to do.
Say goodbye.
I must tell you.
You must know.
One must always confess.
Confess?
I've done something wrong...
something really nasty.
Now you are a famous pianist...
and I'm glad of it.
I gave you your chance.
Lars Schmeel.
The week you signed with him.
A few days before he came to the cafe...
Not for coffee...
and not for lunch...
but to offer me a deal...
I didn't understand at first.
It's like a charade!
I asked him what.
He looked at me, as if to say...
"You don't know? Think a bit."
I thought about it all night.
Next day he came back.
You know how a spider works.
He cut me in two...
as if the heart were one thing...
and the body another.
It wasn't Theresa who went to bed with him.
It was my body.
As if I wasn't there.
I was with you.
That day, he took a room near the cafe...
and came and told me...
about the contract.
Now when he comes to the cafe...
he's just a customer.
He orders a meal.
I think it's all over.
You can be Theresa.
But you know, it's an odd thing...
what you've done remains with you.
When I look at my face...
do I see Theresa?
Your Theresa?
No...
Not Theresa.
Nowhere.
I'm just a dirty rag...
That's why I don't want you to touch me.
I'm too dirty to be touched.
Go on your knees to her...
while there's still time.
If you go out, she'll be alone.
SUICIDE OF EDWARD SAROYAN'S WIFE
THE GREAT ARTIST DISAPPEARS RECITAL CANCELLED
So you disappeared. You started from scratch...
You became Charlie Kohler.
You asked your brothers...
to let you have Fido.
You came to the cafe...
to sweep the floor.
There was an old piano there.
You looked at it...
again and again.
One day, you asked...
Can I play a little?
You!
I think I can.
All right, but make it music!
Who is Charlie Koller?
We know little.
He's a pianist.
He looks after his little brother. He stays out of trouble.
Because of you, people come here.
The boss has taken on...
a drummer and...
a double bass with hairy hands.
And there was I, looking at you all the time.
On my birthday...
I kissed everyone, so as to kiss you.
I saw you look at me.
And I looked at you.
What was on your mind, last night?
Did you like me?
Remember that night when...
I took your arm?
I was afraid to look too daring, you know...
I wanted you so much to take my hand.
I think the boss is in love with you.
Don't be stupid!
He told me so, anyhow.
After all, he's a man like anyone else.
You're not like the others.
You don't act the tough guy.
You're shy...
and you respect women.
Don't think that.
I'm like the others.
When I had money...
women looked at me in the street.
I looked back... and undressed them.
Most of them liked that.
It gave them pleasure.
I looked harder.
When I hit on a decent girl...
I was ashamed.
It made me think of my mother.
We'll go to the cafe to give notice.
We'll make a team together.
I'll wake you up.
You'll be Edward again!
Why?
Not why... for whom?
For me... and you too.
I'll struggle to help you.
You must give auditions.
And concerts!
Charlie is dead!
Buy me some stockings...
and then we'll go and give notice.
"Scandal number 2"
Mandarine shade.
I just want you to tell me when it's over.
I never got that from any guy.
When you don't love me anymore...
just tell me.
Don't you want bread?
I only like the yolk.
A customer for you.
Here? Outside working hours?
Tell him to take a run.
Plenty of girls on the street!
He wants you particularly.
Handsome, too...
and well-dressed.
There's sugar and fruit here, and yoghurt.
But I'll be back.
Here's the gentleman.
I'll be back.
Hello! Which way?
This way.
But I know you. You've been with me.
Oh no, Miss.
- Any dough? - A little.
What's the game?
Kidnappers!
My carriage!
We give notice?
I should hope so.
Let me do the job.
Here they are!
What a time to come!
I got up late.
Yes, very late.
- Then we went for a drive. - Together?
Yes, want further details?
Yes, I'm interested.
- He's usually alone. - Even when he's not alone.
We've come for our pay...
and to give notice.
That's it!
Make a nuisance of yourself!
Hear that?
Where've you been hiding?
I was worried.
They had his address.
Mine too.
I know nothing.
Ask him. You live with him.
Live with him!
- Shut up! - You shut up!
They came here today!
You sold them our addresses.
You did that?
Yes... the informer!
He's a dirty dog! But what a life!
He wants her but he can't have her.
Even now, he can't take his eyes off her.
So what?
The boss's not bad...
but he's just a failure.
Don't tell him so.
Any how, it's not your business.
Just sit in front of the piano.
There's nothing you can do for him.
You're no one.
And nothing matters.
- Listen! - Go to hell!
Look at my biceps. I am someone.
- Feel! - Shit!
That's right... shit!
Go to hell, all of you!
What nasty words in such a mouth!
Shut yours, pig!
I'll kill you, Lena.
I can't see you.
You dirty bitch!
Dreaming, Charlie?
Leave her alone.
I'm more interested in you.
You had her, eh?
I'll smash your face in.
What the hell!
Forgive me?
Forget it.
Someone must win.
I give in.
No, they saw me go.
I must have my revenge.
I don't love Lena anymore...
after that language.
If she had a soul, she wouldn't be so vulgar.
She's a bitch!
She's not a girl, not a woman...
pure, delicate or fragile.
A woman is pure... and magical.
Woman was always a goddess for me.
Let me call you Charlie, now.
Charlie, you're going to die.
Go home. It's an accident.
Someone's there.
I forgot the light.
I hear the police.
His eyes are open.
Why push me?
Well, get a move on.
The knife?
I threw it away.
I was stifling.
I just wanted to prick him in the arm...
but he moved...
and took it in the back.
Want to bet?
- It'll work. - No, it won't.
They'll know I did it.
Explain.
Yes, by letter.
Get Fido in case the cops go there.
- What is it? - I was frightened.
I want little Fido Saroyan.
He's disappeared.
Kidnapped!
You're drunk.
What fool these cats.
Fido, dog's name.
It means faithful.
We've won the second round.
I wouldn't have left the door open.
My old man used to tell me:
"When the door bell rings, imagine it's a murderer...
You'll be glad if it's only a thief."
How's school?
Like it?
Yes, science.
I was no good.
Study make me ill.
I pay for all my ancestors...
of the past generations.
I take snuff.
Disgusting habit!
It's very good.
The first is the best.
What's that?
Musical lighter.
Super!
Your watch.
I've also a parking alarm clock.
Is that all?
I've an American snorkel pen...
with automatic refill...
a fibre belt...
a tropical hat...
and a suit from London...
made of Australian wool.
My shoes are Egyptian leather.
So I need nothing more.
I'm fed up.
My scarf is like silk...
but it's metal...
Japanese invention.
No, it's cloth.
No, Japanese.
It's not even Japanese.
I swear it's true.
Don't overdo it!
If I lie, let my mum die.
I believe you then.
I told you so.
It's me, Lena.
Come quietly.
God! I feel awful.
Wait!
Cops still there.
And Fido?
Tell you later.
The way's clear.
I've borrowed a car.
- From whom? - My landlady.
Well now!
I found the key.
Manage?
Hold on.
Everything I've told you is true.
You know how it is...
and then...
The cops?
They asked a lot of questions.
Take that with you.
I'll call you.
And Fido?
Tell you later.
Got the bottle?
Drink.
I'm still thirsty.
I should have thought of that.
Chico... then me... then Fido.
The Saroyan brothers are all in it.
Broken down again.
The third time.
What a wreck!
What's up?
How should I know?
We'll have to push.
Come along then, OK?
Look ahead.
Keep her straight.
Push then!
Look where you're going.
- The radio works? - We can try.
Far in the distance...
Violins...
And shepherds...
Dressed as knights...
And King's jesters...
All made up...
Like angels...
Watching us...
From the horizon.
When I hate you...
So as to let you know...
When I hate you...
I'll put on my hat.
When you don't love me...
So as to let you know...
When you don't love me...
I'll wear plaits.
Ever since she's worn a chignon...
And he goes...
Bareheaded.
- Stop! - Not yet.
I said stop!
What is it?
I'm leaving you.
Go and take the car back.
Look at me!
I should have drunk it all.
First to the left.
I know the road.
Well, what is it?
You want her to stay. She knows it.
Thanks for the lift.
Alone? I heard a car.
A friend drove me.
We are on the defensive.
There are guys after Chico.
He must have told you.
Has Chico arrived?
Yes, half dead...
Not used to walking.
He's having a nap.
He ate like a horse.
Mum and dad aren't here?
In the village.
You put 'em out?
We didn't want to. I love 'em.
We've nice parents...
but they're not bullet proof.
Had any visitors?
We're the first?
What a mug... Chico.
He always makes a mess of things.
The king of fools.
Awful situation!
Still is.
And you know why?
He is a fool.
Not his fault I killed a guy.
What!
Yes, that's right...
What a mess!
The two guys with Fido...
and the police looking for you.
Tell you what...
I'm glad to see you.
Me too.
Coffee's burning.
It'll be spoilt!
I'll tell you...
It's hell having to stay put.
You're a prisoner in the house.
At first, Chico and I...
had a good time.
I'll go tell him you're here.
So it's you?
How's your bump?
All right now.
What's that?
I went to get them in Paris.
The others were all new.
Getting rid of them isn't easy.
Richard and I...
had found an honest guy...
in a transfer house.
We did a transfer. Two guys were there.
We laughed. They thought they were smart.
They suggested...
splitting four ways.
Richard looked at me.
So we agreed, and left with them.
We thought we'd come here.
I don't know why...
but they complained...
It was too far and snowing.
So we got rid of them...
and decided not to split.
But the guys are after us now.
Why didn't we kill 'em?
By the way, Charlie's killed someone.
Oh hell!
It can't be true! Hell!
It's funny, but I'm glad. Now...
you're like us.
Remember the catapults?
What catapults?
And the car? The people who came for you?
The 14-year-old virtuoso!
To the Academy of Music.
Yes, to Zeleny...
And as we left, you stoned the car.
The two men didn't know you...
but the woman with blue hair and spectacles inlaid with shells...
asked me: "Who's that?"
I said: "Those boys?".
She said: "They're savages".
And you said?
"They are my brothers."
She changed the subject.
She spoke about...
the wonderful teacher I'd have.
And the stones continued to rain on the car.
It was like you speaking.
You were saying I couldn't go...
and that I'd come back...
Back to the savages.
You had to. We are all the same...
You, me, Richard and Fido.
Let's have a nap. Your turn to watch, Chico.
No, I'm not tired. Go off.
Well, I leave you this.
Man's best friend.
A murderer in a family of thieves.
But why this madness?
Where does it come from?
Not from dad or mum.
It must have skipped one or two generations.
And now it comes back.
Among your ancestors, there must have been criminals...
who hid in caves.
It'd make a poem.
A comic one too.
And that useless revolver?
"I leave you this. Man's best friend."
You know...
you hate firearms.
Fido?
I think I made a mistake.
I'll take you back.
- The police? - Don't worry.
Self-defence.
The neighbours said the truth.
That the boss was trying to strangle you.
And you killed him...
by accident.
Hell, what d'you know?
The car?
It's there. Come on!
I must tell them. Wait.
Coming back?
You know.
When I hate you, I'll put on a cap.
Hell, snowing.
Not like that, they'll break.
Do it like that, carefully.
Charlie, the new waitress.
Charlie, pianist.